I find my thoughts drift to you
And it drags with it a whole bag of
Misplaced and displaced, lots of lost
Love.
And as usual, I doubt myself
And ponder my authenticity
Are the feelings I feel valid
Or are they born of uncertainty
I wonder whether they will stop
Or will they stay indefinitely?
In you, I find comfort and joy
Abundant, and innocent
In you, I see happiness and love
Naked, and elegant
To you, I am drawn
To love, and to be loved
With you, I see growth
Our stories, from yesteryears to all the tomorrows
But I wonder whether all this is misplaced
A product of loneliness?
There have been many moments
Where I picture you and I
What could make it work
And all the reasons why it wouldn’t
Often, I conclude, that you’re too good
That I would struggle to keep up
And you would hate to wait
You’re an adventurer, with massive plans, and criteria
You start your days, weeks, months and years with drawn out agendas
And I’m the observer, wallflower, follow-the-flow-er
Who is at once attracted to and intimidated by your vivacious
Paradoxical spirit; you’re like a calm fire, or a raging tree
You carry gravity.
Your eyes light blue and calm
Intense when they catch mine
in an instant I feel seen
I feel you’re ready to listen
In moments I’m unsure I want to be heard
Or feel I have anything worth saying
You are completely present.
I’m sorry,
I wrote these words to try and untangle the mess
To listen to my heart and head and see what it says
And though these words are truth, and I adore you
Perhaps the circumstances have distorted my view
Perhaps I felt compelled, when I saw a tiny void
Which looked like it was fit for me
Perhaps I saw what I wanted to see
To be honest, I’m confused, and it pains me
To have to convince myself this is make-believe
Another fairytale, love of love, infatuation of an idea
No, perhaps I’m just not ready.
And so I’m sorry,
And please excuse me whilst I
Tell myself a different story as I
Continue to admire you from afar.
It's Just Haziq 