I have become nothing more than a burden.

No one seeks my company. And my paranoid, pessimistic mind happily concludes it is because of my unappealing personality. An over-thinking, cynical, emotional wreck. A lost cause. Cannot be helped.

No one finds interest in me, anymore.

I have, over the course of my life, been exposed to deep emotions. Euphoric ecstasy to deliriously depressed but now my melancholy has become a casual tender tragedy. It is a subdued, lasting pain like having a sharp knife being slowly drawn over the outline of your body leaving subtle scarring lines. It eats away at your sanity.

I have never felt so lonely.

I am travelling in three days. My insane mind always questions the possibility of losing all means of communication and existing for myself, and only for myself.

Society sees me as an over exaggeration. A hyperbole of human emotions.

I wish I was normal. At least ‘normal’ according to society’s perception of me.

I crave for someone to talk to me. Not only listen to my melodramatic whining but actually talk to me. Tell me I’m not alone and talk to me of moments in their lives when they felt overjoyed, when they felt jealous, sad, angry. When was the last time they cried from laughing so much and when was the last time they couldn’t breath from crying too much.

I care too much but often get told I don’t know how to care.

I want to feel loved again.


4 thoughts on “Burden

  1. I can’t remember laughing much in a while but crying I do a lot. Actually most of the time I get angry but these last few days I was feeling really sad instead and just crying most of the time on and off. It’s passed now, but that’s how it was. Weird thing is that I don’t even really know why I was crying, I just felt so sad. I was even crying while I was out walking my dog so I guess I looked kind of crazy. Your writing is freaking great, you mention “writer and poet” on your About page. Or whatever, sorry I sometimes give unasked for advice. Just ignore me.

    1. You don’t know how much it means to me to have a stranger take their time out and talk to me like that. I’ve had random phases of sadness too, and have to admit crying is comforting, it’s therapeutic. It just feels like you can transform and let go something abstract into something physical and it’s such relief.

      Thank you so much for the compliment and link on your blog, appreciate it 🙂

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